girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
