so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
