well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
