when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
