i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
