i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
