I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
