i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
