The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
