there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize