I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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