Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
