It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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