Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
