Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
