im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He did a backflip because drugs
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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