just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
