we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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