This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
