I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
