about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
