Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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