dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize