my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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