Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
