If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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