he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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