ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize