I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
