ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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