walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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