Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
