I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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