Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
