I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize