I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
