i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
