i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
