theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
