I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
