So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
