I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
