How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
