I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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