I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
