i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize