u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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