The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
