idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My breath smells like gin and sadness
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
