I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
