Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
