yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
