If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
