Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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