Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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