Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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