For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
