those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
