So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
