I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
