so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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