Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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